


Hollowness & Happiness

by piqtescue



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Abuse, Age Regression/De-Aging, Developing Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Relationship(s), Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-03-26 16:29:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19009525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piqtescue/pseuds/piqtescue
Summary: "Once you let love in, the light will follow."-unknownSpencer Reid had ended his relationship with Aaron Hotchner four months previous. Since then, he had unknowingly thrown himself into a nightmare. Thankfully, Aaron was there to pick up the pieces.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obviously AU- Hotch is not with Haley and does not have Jack  
> (set around season 4)  
> *Spencer is 24, Hotch is 34*

Aaron closed his office door, locking it for the night. As he walked down the stairs to leave, he heard retching coming from the briefing room. Aaron hurriedly rushed up the stairs, wondering who was still at work. As he came to the doorway, he saw his youngest agent bent over the trashcan, sweat pouring from his forehead. Even though Spencer was his ex, his protective instincts kicked in immediately. 

“Spence.” He said, rushing towards him. 

Spencer whipped his head to the doorway, and blushed madly. He went to stand, but toppled to his knees. 

“Hey, take a second.” Aaron knelt down beside Spencer, and went to rub his back. 

Spencer flinched violently, and Aaron frowned. Through all their years of knowing each other, Spencer never flinched away from him.

“I’m s-sorry, I-I’ll leave.”  
He went to stand again, but Aaron gently pulled him back down. 

“Just breathe for a second, Spence.” 

Spencer shut his eyes, and leaned over the trashcan.  
Aaron gently tried to rub his back again, and Spencer let him.  
He frowned when he felt heat radiating out from Spencer. 

“You’re burning up, Spence.” 

Spencer shook his head.

“No.” He croaked. “Not sick.

Aaron looked at his youngest agent sadly as he vomited again. Maybe he had gotten heat stroke. It was the middle of the summer, and he had been wondering since the morning why Spencer had worn a sweater to work. They had decent air conditioning, but it was still quite hot in the office. Aaron hoped he wasn’t trying to hide the scars from his drug habit again. 

“Let me drive you home, Spence. I don’t want you taking the bus like this.” 

Spencer looked up in fear. 

“No, no, can’t go home.” He vomited again violently. 

“Why?” 

Spencer had never had a problem with his apartment before.  
Spencer began to cry. It broke Aaron’s heart to see him in such distress.

“Hey love, it’s okay.” 

Aaron had stopped using endearing names after they broke up, and it warmed his heart to use them again with him. They didn’t end on bad terms, just devastating ones. Spencer had broken it off with Aaron after two years because he was convinced Aaron needed someone healthier, and better. Aaron tried to explain to him through tears that Spencer was perfect for him, but Spencer fled what was their apartment, and disappeared for two days. 

“Can’t go there.” Spencer felt panic coming on.

When he was in those states of panic, Spencer tended to regress. 

_“Please_ don’t make me go there.” He whispered. 

Aaron frowned. Spencer sounded much more younger in his tone of voice, and he realized that he was regressing. The first time Aaron had seen him in that coping mechanism, they had just rescued him from Tobias Hankel. That was the first time that Spencer had cried in front of him, and it was also the first time that Aaron had cried in front of Spencer. 

“Want to go to my place? You need water, honey.” 

Spencer blushed, looking away from Aaron.

“Sorry- I didn’t mean-“ 

Spencer shook his head. 

“I like when you call me things like that.” He glanced up at Aaron.

The two of them looked at each other for a moment, lost in feelings both of them missed terribly. 

“Let’s go home.” Aaron said softly, and helped Spencer up. 

Aaron expected him to walk with him, but his heart fluttered as Spencer wrapped his arms around his neck. He picked him up gently, feeling his heart thud against his chest as he carried his ex-boyfriend out of the BAU.


	2. Feeling again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer goes back to Aaron's for the night.

The ride to Aaron’s was quiet. Aaron asked Spence if he needed anything before they went home, and that was mostly all that was said until they got to Aaron’s. Spencer looked out the window painfully as they pulled up to the apartment building. He glanced at the second story window that was closest to the left, and swallowed. It was their first apartment together. And he left Aaron there alone. Guilt plagued Spencer, and he tried to ignore it. 

“Can I help you inside?” 

Spencer didn’t notice Aaron had gotten out. He was standing next to the open passenger side door, arms stretching towards Spencer. Spencer shook his head, noting the look of hurt on Aaron’s face. He got out, still feeling quite dizzy. He knew he had heat stroke but he refused to take his sweater off. If he did, his biggest secret was out. 

Spencer shakily walked inside with Aaron. He wished he hadn’t of been sick- he knew the consequences that was going to follow. Once they reached Aaron’s, Aaron immediately got busy making Spencer food and getting him water. Spencer stood at the doorway, feeling tears threaten to boil over as he looked around the living room. Everything was basically the same. Spencer noticed his art had moved to sitting against Aaron’s desk among a stack of other pictures they had bought together; that was the only thing that had moved. As he saw that his small bookcase next to the entertainment centre still stood in the same spot, he began to cry. 

“Oh, love, hey,” Aaron hurried over to him, pulling him into his arms. 

Spencer hugged him tightly. He had missed being in Aaron’s arms so much, it hurt. He regretted breaking up with him, but at the time, he felt he was right. He didn’t feel so certain anymore. He thought he was helping Aaron by leaving him, but he actually was just fucking up his own life. 

“What’s wrong, Spence?” 

Spencer shook his head. Aaron’s voice was so gentle. He suddenly pushed him away. He didn’t deserve this. He hurt him. 

“I'm sorry-“ 

“No!” Spencer said in frustration. 

He looked at Aaron’s surprised expression, feeling more guilty by the second. 

“I-I don’t deserve kindness from you.” Spencer said quietly. 

“I was so mean- I-I’m _so sorry, Aaron.”_

Aaron’s expression softened. 

“I’m not upset, sweetie.” Aaron lovingly rubbed his shoulder.  
“Of course I was upset when we broke up, but not at you!” Aaron assured him. 

“I was just upset that I couldn’t be there for you.” Aaron walked closer to Spencer. 

“You shut me out after we broke up. Please don’t do that anymore, love.” Aaron looked at him with that look that Spencer knew too well. He was trying to profile him; like he knew Spencer was hiding something. 

“I’m sorry.” Spencer whispered. 

Aaron wrapped his arms around Spencer again. 

“You don’t gotta apologize. I just want to be there for you.” 

Spencer began to cry harder when he said that. He loved Aaron, so much. Being with him made him feel something other than panic and sadness for once. It terrified him that he was in his arms, though. Spencer’s biggest secret was something he had been threatened into hiding, but also something that was at the brink of being said. And the person he wanted to tell was Aaron. 

“Let’s get you some water, hm?” Aaron said, parting from Spencer slightly. 

Spencer nodded. Maybe just for the night, he would let someone take care of him.


	3. A Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer opens up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm using celsius as a measurement because fuck fahrenheit

Aaron walked hurriedly to the living room with a glass of water and a thermometer. He had stayed up with Spencer since the previous night after work, trying to make him feel better. It was currently 4 am and Spencer was still feeling unwell. Aaron had gotten him to rest on the couch, and offered a book or TV, but Spencer said no. When Spencer saw Aaron carrying the glass of water, he shut his eyes with an exasperated sigh. 

“Can’t keep that down.” 

Aaron sat on the couch beside him. Spencer was curled up in a sitting position, looking pale but flustered at the same time. Aaron put the glass of water on the table. 

“Can you try after I take your temperature?”

“For you, I guess.” Spencer smiled lightly.

Aaron smiled back sheepishly, missing his random flirting. Spencer sat upright, staring at the thermometer. He gently put it under his tongue, and Spencer laughed slightly. Aaron looked at Spencer with adoration. His smile made his heart swell. At the three minute mark, he took the thermometer out of Spencer’s mouth. He frowned in concern as he read it.

“Spence, your temperature is at 40 Celsius- You need to take your sweater off.” 

Spencer had told him that he felt self-conscious after a few minutes of pressing him to remove his sweater because of the heat. Aaron hadn’t argued it further. But his temperature would keep rising if he didn’t take it off. 

“No.” Spencer said firmly, looking away from Aaron. 

“You will get a worse fever than you already do. I won’t judge you, love.” Aaron rubbed his back.  
“You know that.” He watched as Spencer blushed. 

“I said no, Aaron.” Spencer wrapped his arms around his middle. 

“I know you’re not telling me the truth about why you want to keep it on, Spence. Why can’t you just tell me?” 

Spencer glared at Aaron.  
“So you’re fucking profiling me now?” He asked angrily. 

Aaron frowned sadly. Spencer looked away, starting to cry. He put his hands on his knees, holding his head in his hands. Aaron rubbed his back gently. 

“Tell me love, it’s okay.” Aaron spoke softly. 

He was trying to keep calm on the outside for Spencer’s sake, but inside, his brain was on hyper-drive. He was a profiler; he knew something was wrong. Spencer had never been hesitant to tell him anything, and it worried him that he with withholding what was happening for him. Spencer looked up at him. He was studying his face, and Aaron couldn’t tell why. He looked back down at the ground. A couple minutes passed, with the two of them just sitting there quietly. 

“Please don’t be m-mad.” Spencer whispered. 

Aaron shook his head. “Never.” He said softly. 

Spencer bit his lip. “I-I can’t word this, th-though.”  
He fidgeted with his fingers. “C-Can I show you instead?” 

Aaron nodded, feeling confused. Spencer broke away from Aaron, and slowly took his sweater off. Aaron covered his mouth, feeling his heart break devastatingly as he looked at the bruises and slashes littered on Spencer’s chest. He wanted to scream; to cry; to beat the piece of shit that hurt the love of his life. As his emotions raged through him, he saw Spencer hang his head. 

“I-I’m sorry.” He whispered, beginning to shake. 

“Baby…” Aaron brought him into his arms. 

He felt the cuts on Spencer’s back, and looked down to see angry belt marks. That’s when Aaron broke. 

“Who hurt you?” Tears streamed down Aaron’s cheeks, but he didn’t care if Spencer saw.

Spencer shook his head. He clung to Aaron’s shirt. Aaron tried to think of who could have done this to him. Anger was clouding his mind, though, and he couldn’t think. He felt guilt at the thought of not knowing what was going on. He was Spencer’s Chief, friend, and ex-partner. How could he not see he was hurting?

“Please tell me, Spencer. I need to protect you.” 

Spencer sobbed into his chest. Aaron sighed, and kissed his head softly. 

“I’m going to make sure whoever hurt you will _never_ hurt you again, okay?” 

Aaron’s anger problem had dwindled over the years, except when someone hurt a member of his team. Especially Spencer. When someone upset him any way on a case, Aaron usually was there to protect him. He felt Spencer take a deep breath against his chest.

“Zack.” He whispered fearfully. 

“Zack- Like Zack from work?” 

Spencer nodded. He began to cry again, and Aaron rested his lips on his head. Agent Zack Smith. Joined the BAU five months previous, and always was a red flag. Aaron felt the guilt return as he thought about being oblivious to his true nature. 

“We were d-dating.” Spencer choked out. 

Aaron felt his heart drop. 

“Or what I-I _thought_ was dating. He w-was just preparing to take control of my life.” 

Spencer looked up at Aaron. 

“I’m sorry Aaron- I-I didn’t- I didn’t want to be with him in a serious way…” Spencer blushed.  
“I-I felt like shit about who I was. I-I just wanted to mess around.” He took another shaky breath. 

Aaron admired his courage to talk about what happened, and it brought more tears to his eyes. He was so damn _strong._ He hated that he had to be, though. Spencer had already been through abuse before, by the hands of his father. He had told Aaron about it one night after a bad nightmare. Aaron remembered holding him while he cried, wishing he didn’t have to go through those terrible things. 

“He told me he would kill you if I left.” Spencer let out a cry.  
“I didn’t want him to hurt you.” 

Aaron began to run his fingers through Spencer’s hair. He wanted to kill Zack. He had passed the piece of shit’s application, initiated him to their tech department, and let Spencer be in harm’s way. He let a monster around the love of his life. It was destroying him. 

“H-He made me have sex with him.” Spencer said quietly.  
“I didn’t want to, I-I told him to stop, but he didn’t.” 

Aaron squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears. Spencer parted from him slightly. 

“I-I’m so sorry I was with him, Aaron!” Spencer wiped tears away from his eyes.  
“I never wanted to leave you, I just- just didn’t want to burden you anymore.” Spencer said the last part so quiet; his voice full of guilt. 

“Spencer, you have never been a burden to me. Why would you think that?” Aaron asked in confusion. 

“C-Cause I’m sick sometimes- and I-I do that weird thing…. There’s better people out there.” 

Spencer was in the early stages of schizophrenia. He had been diagnosed a year previous; sitting in the doctor’s office holding Aaron’s hand as the doctor relayed to them what the coming stages could look like. His regression had also started around then. Aaron was fully supportive; even researching and finding ways to keep him calm during those times. Spencer seemed to go into those times only when he was triggered by something stressful, but other times it was out of the blue. Spencer found it troubling and weird, even after becoming comfortable with Aaron helping him through it. 

“There’s no one better than you, baby boy.” 

Spencer looked up at Aaron with a mixture of love and sadness. Suddenly, he kissed Aaron. Aaron felt his heart explode, almost like the first time he had kissed Spencer. He cupped his cheek, kissing him back gently. Spencer’s lips still tasted like tea, which he drank so often. As Aaron put an arm around his lover’s waist, his heart clenched upon feeling the wounds on his hip. Spencer wrapped an arm around Aaron’s neck, pulling him closer. Aaron’s mind began to cloud with lust, but upon realizing that Spencer’s temperature was still very high, he gently parted from him. 

“I-I’m sorry- I didn’t-“ Spencer blushed nervously. 

Aaron shook his head, smiling lovingly. 

“No, no, love. That was amazing.” He kissed his nose. 

Spencer bit his lip slightly, trying to hide his smile. 

“We just need to work on getting your temperature down. I need you to drink some more water. I can also make you something small to eat, if you want.” Aaron rubbed the small of his back carefully, making sure not to hurt his injuries. 

Spencer nodded, looking away. 

“I need like to clean your cuts, too Spence. I don’t want them getting infected.” 

Spencer looked at him troublingly. He studied him for a second, then nodded again.

“How does a cool bath sound? I’ve still got your candles.” Aaron said, earning a small smile from Spencer. 

“Okay.” 

Aaron kissed his forehead, and hugged him. 

“It’s going to be okay, baby. I promise.”


	4. First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer and Aaron talk

Spencer awoke the next day to feel familiar arms wrapped around him. As he opened his eyes and realized what room he was in, memories of what had happened flooded his brain. He bit his lip, feeling the panic set in. It felt strange being back in his old bedroom- but what was even stranger- even terrifying- was that his secret was finally out. Spencer looked up, and his heart fluttered as he saw Aaron smiling softly at him. 

“Morning, Spence.” 

“Morning.” Spencer replied quietly. 

“How about we make some breakfast?” Aaron suggested, and Spencer frowned in confusion. 

“What about work?” He asked. 

Aaron grimaced. 

“I called Derek.” 

He watched as Spencer blushed madly. 

“I know I should have asked you first, baby, but I told him what happened. He is arresting Zack this morning. We need to go to the police station later today.” Aaron began to rub Spencer’s back as he spoke. 

Spencer felt his gut twist. It had been embedded in his mind that bad things would happen if he told anyone, and despite Aaron telling him he was safe, Spencer still felt scared. He thought of what Derek must be thinking. He felt sick to his stomach over the thought of his best friend hating him for what he did. 

“Is-Is Derek mad?” Spencer whispered.

Aaron shook his head, frowning. “Of course not, love. Why would he be mad?” 

Spencer shrugged, looking away from him. 

Spencer could see Aaron watching him; probably profiling him. This whole situation made him sick to his stomach. But Spencer reminded himself with a heavy heart, that he was the one that got himself into this. He was confused as to why no one was mad with him, though. He had been replaying the moment in his head of someone finding out his secret, and it sure didn’t turn out the way he thought it would. 

“Let’s go eat.” Aaron went to get up, but Spencer stayed on his chest. 

“Can you… Can you stay with me for a bit?” Spencer whispered.

“Course, baby.” Aaron said softly, and laid back down. 

He held Spencer gently, resting his head against his. Spencer could feel Aaron being cautious of the wounds on his back, and it made him feel… good. He had gone four months without kind physical contact or love; being next to Aaron again made him realize how nice being cared for was. 

“He wouldn’t hold me.” Spencer said quietly. 

He figured if Aaron knew the biggest part, he might as well tell him the other bad things. 

“O-Or kiss me. He just said I was his b-boyfriend, but all he did was hurt me.” Spencer shuttered.

Aaron kissed his head gently. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t know, Spence.” Aaron whispered against his head. 

Spencer shook his head.   
“No, don’t apologize. I-I was pretty good at hiding it.” Spencer chuckled slightly. 

Aaron frowned. He rubbed the small of his back lovingly.

“You’re so brave, sweetheart. You know that?” 

Spencer looked up at Aaron. 

“How so?” 

“You’ve been through so much.” Aaron took a breath, tears pooling in his eyes. 

“And you’re so strong. Thank you for telling me what happened, love. I know that must have been very scary.” 

Spencer frowned, laying his head back on Aaron’s chest. 

He didn’t agree. He was not strong. If he was strong, he wouldn’t have let himself get hurt. 

About ten minutes passed, and they both laid quietly, lost in thought. Spencer looked up at Aaron again as he stroked his cheek. 

“Everything is going to be okay, alright baby? I’m going to be here for you if you want me to. I need you to know I’ll always be there, okay?” Aaron kissed Spencer’s forehead. 

Spencer blushed, feeling his heart flutter. He felt elated at the thought of possibly being with Aaron again. He wanted to be become healthier, but he promised himself in that moment, that even if he was sick, he wouldn’t run away again.


	5. Reporting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer, Aaron and Derek visit the police station

Aaron sat hand in hand with Spencer in the Chief’s office. Zack was currently being detained in a room down the hall, and Aaron knew it was making Spencer extremely nervous. Derek was waiting in the lobby for them, and Aaron knew that was making Spencer nervous, too. Derek was their best friend, so it confused Aaron as to why he wouldn’t want him around during a time like this. But when Derek had arrived to pick them both up, Spencer had jumped into his arms the second he saw him. It was an hour full of tears, hugs, and light jokes from Derek about the amount of snot he had on him. It had brought a smile out of Spencer, thankfully. The door suddenly opened, and a man in his late fourties stepped in, smiling sympathetically. 

“Liam- Nice to see you both again. Sorry it’s under these circumstances.” 

He shook Aaron’s hand, and looked at Spencer sadly as he kept his head towards the ground. Liam Green was the chief of Washington, Virginia’s police department and had been helping the team on cases for just about as long as Aaron had been with the FBI. Aaron was glad it was someone Spencer trusted that was going to be asking him such personal questions. Liam sat at his desk, and sighed. 

“I know you probably don’t want to hear it, Reid, but I’m so sorry.” 

Aaron watched as Spencer let go of his hand and gripped his own wrist roughly. 

Liam grimaced, and pulled out his phone. 

“As you know, I need to record this. At any point if you need to take a break, just tell me, okay?” He put the phone on record and set it on the desk. 

“How long have you known Zack Smith?”

Spencer bit his lip.

“Five months.” 

Aaron remembered that cold January morning as he initiated Zack to the team- it was now one of his biggest regrets.

“Can you explain what happened since then?”

Spencer took a shaky breath. 

“H-He seemed okay enough when he started working with us- th-then..” Spencer composed himself.

“I broke up with Aaron- and he somehow found out. He showed up at my apartment a week later, a-and I let him in.”   
“We just hung out, but then he started coming over more- a-and I thought it was nice to have someone new as a f-friend.” Spencer said quietly. 

Aaron wanted to cry. It pained him to see Spencer in so much distress. 

“I-I kissed him a bit one night while we were hanging out- a-and he- he m-made me-“ Spencer wrapped his arms around his middle. 

Aaron put a hand on his back, reminding him he was safe. Spencer took a breath. 

“He made me have sex with him.” 

Liam looked sadly at the agent in front of him.   
“H-He said he would kill Aaron if I didn’t comply- I just- I just didn’t want to risk that.” Spencer began to cry.   
“H-He moved in- without my consent- and started to control me.” 

Aaron bit his lip to keep the tears back.

“H-He would make me have s-sex with him every night- a-and beat me.”   
“If I didn’t listen.. he would use the belt.” Spencer said the last part so quiet, it made Aaron break. 

He tried to hide his tears, but Spencer saw. He looked worriedly up at him. 

“Did-Did I say something wrong?” He asked quietly. 

Aaron shook his head quickly, grabbing his hand. 

“No, love, no. I just care about you so much.” Aaron tried to give him a small smile. 

Spencer swallowed, looking at the ground again. 

He fidgeted nervously with his fingers. 

“Did he do anything else to you?” Liam asked. 

Spencer looked away.   
“He wouldn’t let me eat.” He whispered. 

Liam frowned, staring at his desk. 

“Thank you for telling me all this, Reid. Is there anything else you want to say before I end the recording?” 

Spencer shook his head. As soon as Liam ended the recording, Spencer shot up in his chair and ran out of the office. 

“Spence!” Aaron ran after him, but Spencer was already almost out of the station. 

Derek looked at Aaron in concern as he sat in one of the chairs against the wall. Once outside, he watched as Spencer looked around wildly, beginning to have a panic attack. Aaron burst through the doors, followed by Derek, and stood in front of Spencer. 

“Spence- It’s alright- It’s okay baby.” Aaron held Spencer’s face in his hands gently. 

Spencer squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head. Tears were rolling down his cheeks freely, and he had started to hyperventilate. 

“No, no, no, no....” Spencer whimpered, starting to scratch his arms. 

Aaron looked down to see he was drawing blood, and he pulled Spencer’s hands away from his arms maybe a little too rough. 

“No!” Spencer cried, moving away from Aaron.

Aaron felt guilt spread through him. He knew he had to be extra gentle with Spencer, but seeing him hurt himself made him get very over-protective. He started to cry, moving towards Spencer. 

“Love, I’m-“ 

“Go ‘way!” Spencer yelled. 

Aaron felt his heart break. Spencer rarely yelled at him. 

Derek suddenly intervened. 

“Spencer- Listen.” 

Derek thankfully knew of his best friend’s regressing problem, and also knew how to deal with him sometimes better than Aaron could. 

Spencer shook his head, and Derek rubbed his arms gently. 

“Listen to me, Spencer.” 

Spencer looked up at him with a wild look of panic. 

“Breathe. Deep breaths.” Derek took a deep breath to encourage him. 

Spencer shakily took in a breath. 

“That’s it, pretty boy. Keep taking deep breaths.” 

Two minutes of breathing steadily seemed to calm Spencer down somewhat. As the panic wore off, Spencer hugged himself around his middle tightly. He looked at the older men in front of him. 

“I-I sorry.” He whispered. 

“Baby- don’t apologize.” Aaron said softly. 

He hugged him gently, and Spencer gripped his jacket, sobbing into his chest. He looked at Derek, and put his hand out. Aaron’s heart melted. Derek smiled at Spencer, and took his hand, kissing it gently. He hugged the back of Spencer, joining the two of them. The two BAU agents stood there for a while, just holding their youngest protectively, both wishing they could make this nightmare disappear.


	6. Accepting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron comes home with gifts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Re-do of Chapter 6*  
> chapter 6 was shit let's try this again lol

The next following weeks were rough, but also amazing. Spencer didn’t believe his life could go back to the way it was- but somehow, it was even better. They had started to make breakfast together in the morning; just like how they used to. Spencer wasn’t very good at cooking, but Aaron was, and always trying to teach his boyfriend new recipes. It was 3 pm Spencer was currently sitting on the couch, eyeing the bag that Aaron had just brought in. 

He had gone back to work the week previous; Derek and JJ switched days taking care of Spencer until his shift ended. Spencer was trying to get used to being away from Aaron, but it was hard after ripping himself away from him once already. Derek and JJ were very gentle with him as always, though. On a day where Derek stayed with him, they usually watched TV or played chess; and when JJ was over, they often colored and played with the Lego JJ had bought for him. Spencer said goodbye to Derek, then sat on his knees as Aaron put the bag on the coffee table. He saw Aaron glance at him and smile, and it made him blush. 

“Chocolate?” Spencer asked. 

Aaron chuckled, shaking his head.

“No, but it’s a present for you.” 

Spencer smiled excitedly. Aaron sat down, and looked at him. 

“But we gotta talk first, okay?” 

Spencer felt a pit in the bottom of his stomach form. _He had been bad;_ was his first go-to thought. He racked his brain, trying to remember what he did. Aaron put a hand on his. 

“You’re not in trouble, baby. I just want to talk to you about something.” He rubbed his thumb slowly over the back of Spencer’s hand. 

“O-Okay.” He sat down on the couch, crossing his knees. 

Aaron smiled at him. 

“I’m so proud of you Spencer, I need you to know that.” 

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. 

“And I want to support you in every way possible, especially during moments you regress.” 

Spencer looked away, blushing madly. He felt his heart beat rapidly. It was always an intense feeling when Aaron mentioned that subject. 

“So I read about what helps people and makes them feel comfortable when they regress…. I got a few ideas, but if you don’t like them it’s totally okay.” Aaron sounded nervous, something Spencer rarely heard.

Aaron had trained himself to radiate confidence, but throughout their relationship, Spencer saw insecurities he had that broke his heart. Aaron was keen to think he wasn’t doing enough- or not being good enough. Which confused him, because the man he loved had changed so many lives, including his. Aaron often prepared himself for rejection- something Spencer pointed out to him before they broke up. He assured him that he didn’t have to worry about rejection when it came to him- but then he had gone and left him. Spencer was still haunted by what he had done. 

He watched as Aaron grabbed the bag off the coffee table. 

“I thought this might- um- be easier to drink from sometimes.” 

Aaron pulled out a light blue sippy-cup with planets all over it. Spencer felt his heart melt. He reached out slowly. 

_“R-Really?”_ He whispered. 

He watched as Aaron’s expression turned from nervous to happy. 

“Do you like it?” 

Spencer nodded, smiling happily. He always secretly wanted kid-related objects like cups or toys. Aaron pulled another item out of the bag, smiling as Spencer let out a gasp. In Aaron’s hands was a stuffie; a soft brown bunny to be precise. He held it out to Spencer and Spencer took it slowly, admiring it with awe. 

“F-For me?” Spencer asked quietly. 

Aaron nodded, smiling at him. 

“Course, sweetie. What’s his name going to be?” 

“Bunny.” Spencer mumbled, hugging the stuffie tightly. 

Aaron chuckled, and pulled the last thing out of the bag. 

“It’s alright if you don’t want to use this, love, I just thought that it would be good to try, to distract you from harming yourself.” 

Aaron held a green pacifier out to Spencer. Spencer looked at it, his heart thudding. All the emotion in the moment was too much, and it came out in tears. He scrambled into Aaron’s lap, laying his head on his chest. He was finally being taken care of, and it terrified him. It was what he had always wanted, and now that it was finally happening, he didn’t know what to make of it. One side of his brain wanted to completely let Aaron baby him, the other side wanted to get back to being a genius. But as he held his bunny, sitting in his lover’s arms, he finally, let himself completely relax. 

“I-I love it all so much! Th-Thank you Aaron!” Spencer began peppering kisses all over Aaron’s cheeks. 

Aaron laughed, smiling brightly. He hugged Spencer gently. 

“I’m so happy you like what I bought little one! I was- um- nervous you wouldn’t.” He looked away from Spencer briefly. 

Spencer sat upright on Aaron’s lap, and shook his head. 

“I-It makes me _so_ happy you went through all this effort… thank you, angel.” Spencer caressed his cheek, smiling lovingly. 

Aaron stared at him in surprise. Spencer hadn’t used his old nickname at all with him since he had moved back in. Suddenly, Aaron laid his head on Spencer’s chest, pulling him towards him. 

“Missed you calling me that.” Aaron mumbled. 

Spencer ran his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, feeling an overwhelming amount of love and a small, sadly, growing, pit of guilt.


End file.
